WEX Journal

messedup

2010-03-07T11:14:00.001+08:00

im aLive!!!

now or never

2010-01-14T22:56:00.004+08:00

tunaikan kehendak badan
dan tunaikan kehendak agama
dan juga tunaikan kehendak ilmu

im very excited when i get new project, assignment or having presentation... you can say, what wrong with her, whom want extra tasks. but thats not how im looking at. im looking at the results outcome... i have freedom and different from scheme provide to us...

wat tasks waiting for me???

pharmacology presentation - im waiting for the tittle to come out. cant wait. i've target the lecturer dr Z that i think i can work through my presentation comfortably.
physiology presentation - as i been told, the tittle will come out at last of january, and while waiting, we can find idea on what topic should interest me... may be i want to find something that related to my research project..
immunology presentation I - i got my task this morning, SPE, with group member that im comfortable to work with... when come to group task, sometimes i mostly backward... but there are also time i take charge, it come the need of leadership which i lack of.
immunology presentation II - i dunno if i will be present this time... i also dunno if i hope not..
current topic assignment - wow dr A surely have prepare the course carefully, the 2 assignment have given, just waiting for guest lecture to come... sure i want to prepare some ideas. but its usually not working in that way. i dunno maybe this time, it may work...
current topic case presentation - ooppppssss i need news... i got to surf on internet and also newspaper... though it 5minutes presentation.
current topic exhibition poster - i hope i got nice group member in this tasks... bout the exhibition, ermmmm i need to sharpen my english ASAP... but before that, i hope the topic is excited.
not to forget the immunology report - i'd due the first practical... aiyoyo
and becoming immunology practical - for the next tuesday, agglutination
and the related to presentation immunology practical - SPE, IFX and so on...
also pharmacology immunology practical - for the next monday, HPLC
wow... and many more...

although it really excited for me, but just after few moment, it become extremely great pressure... its getting worst recently!!! just an hour after, i tense my self... aiyoyoyo...

and then i remember my first basic diag. parasite class, by prof R, when she said, what more u student should do other than STUDY... and later u will miss this whole student life... well before the time come, i want to live in this minute..

alien communication

2010-01-13T22:42:00.003+08:00

who is the refer alien?

i'm the referred alien

when i became the alien?

without noticed, i suddenly transformed into alien. yes, i was originated from the refer world, but out of blue, i became alien. its happen when my half stay over in the refer world.

been refer as alien and alienated.

which happen third quarter of my stay over. the trusted fade quickly without noticed. the mission almost aborted. i almost lost to the lost world. but somehow, the relationship that based on admirably and hopefully, tight me down to the refer world, although it affect me much pain and messed me quite terribly.

am i trauma?

i can say i am. im the trauma alien.

the mission

is almost failure. but not failed.

fault.

nobody fault but only me. even not the alien communication fault. its how i managed time space ability that i'd.

but there is other fellow alien speak alien language.

but is we speak same alien language? no we are not. but then i realize, there is many aliens in the refer world. but sometimes, the aliens transformed back to the refer world inhabitant. its how they mixed up.

home phone call

yet, ive been called to temporary stay over to the refer world. and of course with this alien language i'd. but the trust is difficult to recover, but its recover, and sometimes inversely, its getting deeper.

the alien journey isnt over... can i transform back to my original formed? have i learned quite enough bout my time space?, and the important question, am i take the lesson and apply it to this forward jouney...?

FFFFF

2010-01-13T21:18:00.005+08:00

i need to

Flush all the toxic from my body and my mind

so i can do

Follow up body activities and mind planning

to get

Fresh body and mind

so i will have

Fabulous body stamina and mind concentration

say no more

F in my grading

p/s nothing related to #FFFFF or F**K!!! or Fat... even fafau... hheheehe

aduh aduh and aduh

2010-01-13T20:53:00.002+08:00

aduh.. my gum is in pain... serve me right, although its been 2 days my gum in pains, despite all the lesson i learned before, i still asked ummi to buy kacang rebus and refused green apple offer from abah.. well, still it will be the same results if i accept abahs' offered...

aduh aduh.. pimple is everywhere... well not actual everywhere, but in the face everywhere... well not actual the face everwhere, but surround near the mouth area in the face everywhere... yeah, its hurt... huhu

aduh aduh aduh.. scratch scratch and again scratch... well not at this time... but it come when in time when my mind in pressure thinking of something that im not concentrate or focus on... the results is painful.. literally pain to my skin...

aduh aduh aduh aduh and aduh

is when ur body is second and pleasure is first!

cabaran

2010-01-13T18:42:00.003+08:00

lately, its like super difficult task to memorize a sentence. yes, its true story...

but mind is messed up, my body totally feel uncomfortable...

now, i challenge myself to memorize this songs...

hihihi

till the next step --> read any book...

Lyrics | Green Day Lyrics | 21 Guns Lyrics

Read more: http://www.metrolyrics.com/21-guns-lyrics-green-day.html#ixzz0cUJ9vRpN

starter to deadline

2009-12-19T12:54:00.003+08:00

im the procrastinate are afraid of deadline

but most of all,

im the procrastinate are more afraid of starter

huh???

its like my mind has set 1 rule-must-follow-or-u-r-doom tht once i missed the starter its will definitely done seconds before deadline (translate: the possible im going to doom)

my dad said to me several times:

bad habit hard die

when the time is at the starter,

i cant ctrl my mind properly,

the situation became really fast,

my dear colon react to cortisol hormones,

me become uncomfortable!!!

in other word: im stress

its just in my mind

i must have ability to ctrl this panic thinking

cuz its might sound simple,

but reality, its growing

n affect me badly

especially in work field

damn!!!

adddddddicted

2009-12-19T12:52:00.003+08:00

im adddddddicted to movies n fb

i was adddddddicted to youtube n blogs

its terrible

any works hasnt done

melekakan

astargfirullah al azim

nothing rite

2009-12-18T01:54:00.005+08:00

feel nt rite

the temp. isnt rite

the song isnt rite

the land isnt rite

the time isnt rite

even the word isnt rite

Yesterday

2009-12-18T01:36:00.002+08:00

is the day

tht is not work as planned

is the day

where i stuck(ed)

is the messed day

wex isnt the wex anymore

2009-12-17T02:13:00.002+08:00

Ak bkan ak

bagaimana ia nya terjadi?

tanpa kusedari

binggung

yeah, ive time

2009-11-23T19:27:00.003+08:00

wow... when it's happen, it 'is' happen... n it is happening!!!

yeah, when im in 'hell', i forgot the feel being in 'heaven'... what the?

oh no no no... im afraid to say the word hell, i will imagine the Hell...

(dh wat byk dosa, brani plak nak sebut2 neraka, tak takut kne campak ke? ehh lari tajuk)

i mean, when im in the 'suffer time' (or 'dark time', like my fren said), i demand the 'free time', when i can do anything i desire. yesh, this is the time, the time i can do what im desire, the time that is 'short', but feel 'forever' (well nt really, hehehe).

i want to do what i 'should' did long ago... yes, by 'want' i mean 'desire' plus 'have to'...

hohoho

lets have 'fun', till 'that time' come back...

p/s 'that time' is really miserable!

Smile Waheeda

2009-11-11T15:44:00.003+08:00

Smile Waheeda

n get a life!!!

some sort of twitter or facebook status or ym shout out

but lame enough to post on them

oh my my

2009-11-11T14:46:00.003+08:00

why? why? why?

why i s*ck in english???

by english i meant the language

where worldwide without boundary

where in there are the communication

indicate ur existence

by worldwide, let me narrow down just a little --> medical research!!!

which my further steps

which it gave me hopes

for realize what id dreamt over and over

but then, it s*ck, really s*ck!!!

cause when i tot ive it

long time ago

then it goes

of coz nt gone with the wind

but gone with an 'incident'

-out frame plot to be continue-

-start inframe plot-

the 'incident' that caused by my action
but yet its effect on my english skill is far from my prediction
its why ppl call it idiot action think my people that nt think

again i pointed to some ppl
but indepth
i know its totally my fault

my fault that again i pointed to other ppl
ppl tht also nt did some thinking
mayb its good
good for some ppl
no good for me!!!

ahh!! again im blaming ppl
no no no

its my fault without appropriate guidance
but there is a good thing along the bad things happen
just which part u lookin to

i hate that incident and tht ppl
but most of all
i hate my past self

but hate is not the hate
its the regrets
and when i kept looking
its the lesson

-end inframe plot-

-outframe plot continue-

yes, although it s*ck

it is important

important enough for me for further my study

huhu

yeah its s*ck!!!

-end? i hope so-

messed

2009-11-11T14:28:00.004+08:00

my life is messed...

my room is really messed...

i be friendly with ants, and this friendship inviting lizard, which im nt really friendly with...

my self is messed...

no disciplined...

my life is messed...

but yet my parents always be here...

always supporting...

things that i cannot understood...

things that i highly possible to do when ive kids by my own...

my FS is confusing...

yet they always stay beside...

but still confusing me...

its wat it called real FS...

still still confusing...

anyhow, i blamed my self...

yes my self...

cause its true...

although been denied by my conscious mind...

but my subconscious mind admitted it...

my will power is weak...

really weak...

several times trying to act strong...

but its just act... nt the real effort...

shame on me!!!

Yes shame on me!!!

i broke my promise

Astargfirullah al azim

i want to me like my dad

like my sis

like LZ n AE

like AY

like dr A n dr AAA

like A10 n Sh

like la_N n RAH

real plan

real effort

real promise

i can do it

sometime i wonder

2009-11-09T14:17:00.003+08:00

sometime i wonder,

am i going crazy,

or am i going die with heart attack!

what the heck???

mengucap lah waheeda... huhu

Sahaja ak naik saksi, bahawa tiada tuhan yang disembah melainkan Allah,

dan ak naik saksi, bahawa Nabi Muhammad itu pesuruh Allah.

The thing is:

im thinking too much

bout my thesis

bout my final exam

bout my grades

bout how nervous im

bout how insecure im

bout how inconfident im

bout my friends

bout my social life

bout my mom n dad

bout my dearie sister

bout my future

feel hopeless useless --> depression

how uncute

u know some words:

makan tak lalu

tidur tak lena

mandi tak basah

well, its can happen, n is happening...

Get works done

2009-09-21T15:19:00.002+08:00

Today:-

Materials and Methods

and

Results

--> Proposal --> Extended Abstract --> Oral Examination

--> Validation I

Tomorrow:-

Grammar and Validation II

Log Book

The next day after Tomorrow:-

Email and Discussion

Log book submission

Well,

the plan is cute (said by me, hihi)

so, get works done, dear

Remember take it easy, enjoy what are u doing,

and everything is there for me

I have no right to make even a single excuse!

Once you get along to do it

You definitely get the steps to the finish line less and less...

Dunt kecik-kecik hati

2009-09-21T15:09:00.003+08:00

I cant stand with myself...

everything i did,

i will flashback all what ppl said,

i care too much (which is worst) bout what people thinking,

to me its like my responsible to kept everything in the right track,

like I should tell them, instead let them waiting too long,

yes its my responsible, obviously, right

like I should follow the date line,

also to appreciate people effort in throwing their time over my work.

yes its my responsible, obviously, i should do it

even i scare that maybe there arent available to be disturb my this 'small small' things...

cause to them its not much

but then, what if they care?

somehow, it will come to me to take responsible

so the conclusion is

i have to take the responsible before its become trouble

despite what people might think

you have to do the right job

so people will not questioning your responsible

remember,

'Lantak hangpa laaa' to what ppl will think

its just ur messup mind

even they maybe not thinking what im worrying about...

damn,

i hate this worrying

damn damn damn

so, get ur phone this nite,

k dear?

Ya Allah, give me strength to do this,

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Everyhing is for Allah swt

Differentiation between this and that

2009-09-21T03:45:00.002+08:00

what is differentiation between

'post' and 'entry'...

obviously they have opposite meaning:- 'after' and 'before' (ok not exactly, but near enough to differentiate it)

how should i address my article in my blog??

darn, what a chaos thought,

just address it as 'article'... end the story...

wait, before i close the door,

what is exactly meaning of 'article'...

of course it is different from 'essay'...

but how different are they?

'article' is publish 'essay'?

gurl, just shift+left click, and search their definition in wordweb...

aiyoooo....

haha just some routine of me to confusing my mind...

but hey, its always come to our mind every day.. ok ok at least into my mind,

like in my thesis:-

what is the differentiation between 'neural crest' and 'neural crest cells'

or in nice my abbreviation version:- "nc vs ncc ???" hoho

note to myself:- do some google and wordweb for this words: post article, entry, post, article, essay, story, thesis, neural crest, neural crest cells, and three forty in the morning!!! get ur work done, avoid procrastinate. yes, that word too, urgently do some googling and wordwebing:- procrastinate. i better repeat this word, to alert me that procrastinate causing continuous trouble trough out my days. how i know?because i live in those trouble day and yes, procrastinate had taught me something valuable experiences, but how strong for me to accept this procrastinate learning??? haha just crap note to my self.

Compensate my sleep hours

2009-09-21T03:26:00.004+08:00

huhu i cant sleep..

I slept for 6 hours compensated my raya visiting trip...

i had nice sleep but the time is not suitable...

now its time to compensate my should-sweetdream-on-bed hours to writing-nightmare-thesis stay up all night... hihi

But, what im doing is far from what i should.

Im scratching crap talk into my wex journal...

im not ready to crap into my wex mind messup yet,

cause im not ready for people to read the crap entry... hihi

sooooo crap...

Thesis to be written

2009-09-21T02:53:00.006+08:00

Honestly, I feel awkward to write my thesis even writing this post...

But, after rethinking,

what the heck,

all what im going to write in this post,

will be my excuses and spoil brat that stopping me from writing my thesis.

let it go,

get over it,

come on gurl...

some nice quote aka 'kata-kata hikmat' (which i eager to know the source is),

that made me realize that everything bothering me is just me...

stop creating excuses...

get a live...

and dunt forget to live in it...

here is the quote, Kebijaksanaan dan Cinta:

"Bila mata tidak terhalang maka hasilnya adalah penglihatan; bila telinga tidak terhalang maka hasilnya adalah pendengaran; bila hidung tidak terhalang maka hasilnya adalah bauan; jika mulut tidak terhalang maka hasilnya adalah pengucapan; bila pikiran tidak terhalang maka hasilnya adalah Kebijaksanaan."
Kebijaksanaan hadir pada saat Anda melepaskan semua penghalang yang Anda ciptakan sendiri melalui konsep dan proses pembiasaan yang Anda alami.Kebijaksanaan bukanlah sesuatu yang didapatkan; kebijaksanaan bukanlah pengalaman; kebijaksanaan bukanlah penerapan ilusi yang Anda dapatkan kemarin untuk memecahkan persoalan hari ini.
Kebijaksanaan bererti kepekaan terhadap situasi tertentu, pada orang tertentu, tidak terpengaruh oleh pengalaman masa lalu yang masih melekat dalam ingatan atau oleh sisa-sisa ingatan mengenai pengalaman di masa lalu.Satu lagi kalimat lain yang boleh ditambah ialah : "Bila hati tidak terhalang maka hasilnya adalah Cinta."
Wallahu’alam.

Credit to B'jue corner that published it in my google reader.

There is additional paragraph 'bout friendship, which is sweet...

But what i want to highlight is:- bila pikiran tidak terhalang...

And heck yes, my heart is still close to accept or pursue for lurve.

And along with it, I found nice blog where for me, some, uhmmm not some but lot of nice motivational story and inspiring (its because i open 'motivasi' tag... hihi)... Slide to --> ZoomBastic.com

dunt give up on me, pls... huhu

2009-08-17T13:21:00.007+08:00

Are they give up on me?
I dunt care bout she - ok a little bit, just a 'little' bit
But i care bout the she...

pls dunt give up on me
I know i'd dissapointed u 2x...
its more than enought
it shouldnt be once
but instead i'd twice

pls dunt give up on me
i try hard to make it not bcome thrice
although its not hard enough
but its near

pls dunt give up on me
cause other than others thing that u r marveolus at, that had my high respect
i realy nt expect this
although i know u may have reason that i dunt know
and u r normal human being

But pls, i really hope u r nt wat as i think about
cause for strong person like u
i really hope u r nt wat as i think about

although i seem selfish
but i really hope u r nt wat as i think about

pls dunt give up on me... pls...

update: im so hurry till i mistakenly type "pls dunt give on me" hohoho

Wex Family

2009-08-17T11:51:00.002+08:00

While waiting for Inia to come to my house, and tired watching Third Rock From The Sun Season 4 Episode 6, I was on Reader browsing blogs that i'd subscribed. Until at Topo's blog, in his post, was Stick figure family from FreeFashToys. I had seen this stick figure family a year ago in many blogs (one that i remember is Ixora blog in wordpress.com).

Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com

Im quite lazy to write bout my family, because im sure that it will be a long post. And i decide to paste the code in here till i decide to write bout my family in Wex's mind messup.

I use direct link image provided by the site. But ive saved the backup image in case they will delete it... however, still there are possibility the image in my hardrive will lost if my pc crash, like my old desktop pc... huhuhu

After i copied the code of stick figure family, i directly go to the other topo post:- jom main copy paste plak.. hohoho. Basicaly, readers have to press CTRL+V into the comment box and see what is reader current CTRL+C. And if I do CTRL+V, my current CTRL+C is this image... hihi..

Itchi pain rash

2009-08-16T17:54:00.002+08:00

Fuh..... I just had showered... So refreshy... Ok, i admit, i'm one of the lazyess ppl to get shower.. Thats why my skin now have really pain rash, which i suspect:-

acanthosis nigricans - caused by insulin resistant
sweat and dirt on my skin - because i sweat a lot and have lot of fat layer... and most obvious i wasnt showered 2 times a day... only on morning or evening...
with hot temperature Malaysian have now, about 28 degree celcius, that cause me release more sweat
maybe i have allergic with food
or maybe my place isnt mess especially with sticky dirt
and my stuborn head, i dunt want to apply any lotion to the rash area
and minor cause: my nail is long enough to scratch my itchi skin, it make worst when dirt stay in the nail then stick to the rash area when i scratching

Fuh.... whoever read this post, might be said: Girl, plz take care u body hygene....

I just open new packet of Nusantara Secret Garden Shower Cream... refreshing with Daun Pegaga....

WEX is back!!!

2009-08-16T14:49:00.002+08:00

Yes... i was wasting my time.....

All my plans doesnt work....

I need to be aggresive....

Nothing can stop me... especially my messup mind....

Be healthy, gain knowledge, have fun, get along, and get LIFE...

broke the promise

2009-08-16T12:15:00.003+08:00

i'd made the promise...

but yet i broke it...

i'd broke it couple times b4...

n been regret bout it...

n promised nt to broke the promise again...

but yet i broke it...

HampA

2009-08-12T02:31:00.004+08:00

ak slalu dihampakan olh org,

kdg2 org yg dekat ngn ku,

org yg ak syg, ak amek berat....

slalu nye ape yg ak buat?

ak diamkn diri,

bila dia/mereka kmudian bersemuka dgn ak bagaikan tiada ape yg berlaku,

ape yg ak buat?

ak pn diamkan diri, bagai tiade ape yg berlaku....

bodoh ke ak?

mungkin ye....

slalu nye ape yg ak buat lagi?

ak akn anggap,

dia/mereka tidak sedar dia/mereka telah hampakan ak....

terlalu baik kah ak?

atau terlalu penakut kah ak?

mungkin bodoh kah ak?

mungkin ye... harap tidak...

ak ingin

bertanye

knape

ko hampakan ak?!

tapi, ak tak mampu lakukan nye

penakut kah ak?

dlm hadapi keadaan...

mungkin ye....

knape ak begini?

knape ak lari dari keadaan ini?

ak tak suka sedih...

ak tak suka sakit hati...

bila ak sakit hati,

ak tak bley senyum,

ak tak bley wat keje,

ak akn suka mkn nasi,

ak mula rse tak bersyukur...

Astargfirullah al azim...

ati ak mudah sakit,

ak tak suka orang sakit ati bila ak bangkitkn nye,

sbb ak jugak yg akn sakit hati...

tapi akhirnya,

ak akn lupa kan,

sbb ak ingin snyum...

tapi adakah ia nya akn berakhir?

ntah, ia mungkin akn berulang lagi....

ak, skali lagi diamkan diri pabila dihampakan....

betapa menyedih nye diri ak nie.... hohhoho

Messaging

2009-08-12T02:21:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, Ive no incoming messages....

Today in the morning, Ive outgoing messages, but zero replies yet...

IHT project

2009-08-09T15:40:00.003+08:00

Wow, like secret project...

Hahaha... it is not some X-files project, it is the project that is merely unknown by people, yet... by people I mean not every people, of course. It's not international project like KYOTO protocol which is important in global warming issues that has suggest:- without KYOTO protocol, earth will be destroy by human, which it may be, but its may be sooner. But, IHT project is like 'KYOTO protocol' to us. Thats how we look, at least for this weeks. This shows how serious I'm, instead I should focusing in my research project and mid term paper, but by doing IHT project. However, its widen my eye.

How it widen my eye?

In IHT project, I act as supervisor (sv) for my fren, Inia, whom will operate this project. Yes, this is hers project that will realize her dream and idea and feed her and at least some way to out of hers life that she feel miserable. Dunt feel like that dear, ur life are not like u r think u r. Later, we will talk bout this dear. Very soon. As I act as sv, I feel like sv. Then, I will know what is my sv feel towards me. How she is very excited when giving me ideas to work through, checking my works, and not to forget, felling disapointed when my work is not done as she wish... Sorry sv. But far most important, with all this feeling, she still not give up on me and this is what I will do to my fren. Help her as I can with physical support, advise support and emotional support. Inia, I will always been by your side. I hope U will be success. Gudluck...

To Inia,

I was never feel dissapointed toward you, Inia, cause I know how u work, which is same like me, last minute work. And I know how confuse we were in this project... haha. I really need to see u, to discuss this further, but by phone is quite enough. Hope to see u later... and I want the proposal draft today at 9:15pm... remember that.... hahahahaha (evil laugh)

p/s no p/s

sentences story

2009-08-09T13:43:00.006+08:00

" I dunt want them treating u like a shit, I want u to proudly present ur words and raise ur head in front of them, only I can treat U like a shit (which wat she was doing at that time), because i care for u " hoho although i really feel like a big shit at that time, but somehow I’m not really sad, instead I’m grateful to have her as my sv.

My sv: Wat is ur MUET band?

Me: 4

My sv: Really? but ur english is so bad, ur science is good but ur english... Wat’d happen?

Me: I'm sorry. Maybe because I’m not practising for a long time.

My sv: I can’t accept ur appologize. Not this time.

Later,

My sv: Come here and massage my shoulder, my neck is really tense. I feel like to jump from the building. If my mom see this, she will cry...

Me: huhu.. sorry.

My sv: I feel like want to meet ur primary school teacher, ur secondary school teacher and ur matriculation teacher, and chop their head, one by one.

Me: Like this (me showing how to chop ppl head)... hehe

My sv: Ooo dear, when u’ r writing, write like u r talking to the Queen...

Me: ooooooo.... that’s my problem, over all these yrs in graduate school, I wrote reports, answered questions like I’m talking to the reader... ooooo.... I’m not suppose to do it..... ooooooo now i get it...

Hahahaha... it’s just happen last Friday, my sv called the coordinator to ask whether can i pass up my extended abstract on Monday, cause she just missread craniosynostosis with craniorachischisis... and this conversation is happen after she checking my 2 pages out of 13 pages of my extended abstract. Huuhu sorry Dr, still, I love U though, for ur attention...

So, now I’m checking/correcting my grammar and sentences construction. And pray to god, to have excellent extended abstract for her to read tomorrow morning. I keen to ask my fren, Inia to check it with me, but she is sick, thus, later i may want to ask my dad to check the sentences with me. Ooooo another challenge...

But now, 2 o'clock, is time for me to torture my fren, Inia.... hahahahahhaahah (evil laugh)

p/s Hope my sv do not read this... hihi... maybe later I will modify some of this content... later after my discussion with Inia...

Update: I’m not changing any of this content but I do check back my grammar... hehehe. No, she’s totally wrong, she should chop my head instead my former english teacher... hoho I love U for ur love to us, Dr N.

this moment

2009-08-04T21:13:00.003+08:00

now is almost 9.15pm... and i remember, last 2 nite i hope for having this moment finishing my works instead on 4am or 6am or 10am, 2 minutes before i passed up my work. hihi

so, come on, i can finishing my work before 12 midnite.... hehehehe

rambutku gugur

2009-08-04T19:36:00.003+08:00

I dunno how to say it in english, coz i lazy enough to find word 'gugur' in english....

but for sure, this is the price for me, wex, to have long hair... Its wex who lazy enough to take care of hers hair... serve me rite... hohoh

hope that my hair not drop so often or my real final 'prize' which is being bold will come true... huhu... I dunt want!!!!!

hoho....

i lurve having short hair, but my face rite now is not really 'match' with short hair...

I lurve when air can cool my neck and i can just shake my head and have dry and sharp hair whenever after i have shower....... but again with my chubby 'face' i have now, just NO and DUNT....

well, now i live very patiently with long (actually not toooo long) and curly and black hair i have... but its soft when i rub it... just whenever i rub it, there's always 'few' hair stick to my fingers.... hoho am i tension enough to loss my hair or just its how it is for not taking care my hair... i hope its not because how tension i am... hoho...

just dunt see me in the morning with this hair... hehehe

Me and Frendship part 1

2009-07-30T21:47:00.003+08:00

Wat frenz mean to me?

I dunno. I hv been reject or hurt by frenz several time. Deep hurt u know. I know I react like I have broken heart to the love. But its the feeling u know. Maybe I'm jelous person at first, but did I'm been jelous if she'd left me several times with others frenz... Huuhuhuhu.... It been 9years. I know I used to her without realize it. Maybe she not noticed it... But, what happen has happen. I have pull her little bit from my life. And I treat her like my other frenz.

But wat I mean by 'other frenz'?

It is changing. Sometimes I want to connect to them, I mean people that I know and used to be frenz before. Classmate or schoolmate. But then, sometimes I dunt want to give a damn bout them.... But how about silaturrahim? Am I that selfish....

Well, I will tend to ignore all the friendship when I ignore the world. When I feel like world is ignoring me. Fed up.... Ahh... it's just the feeling.... Later, when friends around me care bout me, I care bout them, I care bout world then.... How come?

to be continue...

Journals to read

2009-07-28T19:39:00.005+08:00

This nite, is specially for my journals......

Lot of journals...

Journals that related to EphrinB2, neural crest and neural tube.....

Yeah... have fun bebeh!!!

Cause I know I like to read journals. Because journals isn't include in final examination that 'contribute' to my CGPA. Cause journals is sort of activities or assignments or projects which isn't some plain homework or lecture note I need to memorize......

I love reading Journals.

I start with abstract, contains of briefly introduction related to the title, the results the authors obtained and their conclusions. Which the main things I looking into.....

Then, continue with Introduction, the longest form and explaination about what they are doing.... How eagerly they are in convincing reader -me, how interesting the topic they choose brought on the desk. And there are cases to experiment or study about, that what there are doing in some period.

Methods and Results is when the analytical skill needed from me.... How I analyze their techniques in obtaining the results to convince their hypothesis. The picture or diagram they got is the effort of their hardwork in publishing the journal....... But becareful, dun't accept it as what they wrote, but try to acept information given by the outcome they try to show. Analyze the pictures and diagrams by urself. It is not wrong to said it is wrong. That is what u r learning thru these 3 years of Biomedical Sciences Program.

And then, the author discussed it and try to make points... To backup their theory and finding and to convince reader that their given information can be use in my research.

From there, they conclude as close statement. But,their research might not end there. It might be many ongoing research coming and interest finding they try to prove....

So, it is so interesting....

Why I having tense all the way in my Journals reading....

Come on, Have Fun!!! These is what U like....

Dunt say oppositly.... for satisfy people with concept that reading journals is bulk of scientific terms... and confusing theories.......

Cause u like reading journal..... and journals...

Stupid Questions

2009-07-28T05:03:00.004+08:00

You might always heard the story of person who kept asked and asked and asked untill he/she success. Even with stupid questions, any questions that u'd in mind, just asked.

Yes, I always have that story lots from my dad and mostly from my teachers. The teachers that try to conviced their students to ask questions. To 'burning up' our class, get 'hot' - of course in good way..

The story told might sound nice, when any questions u ask is one step up to the success. Including 'stupid' questions. But practically is bitter to swallow then melody in hearing, especially when u ask someone that not willingness to accept stupid question. But it being more bitter when he/she added extra words to their sour face while anwering the stupid questions.

But, what the hell. U do what u want to do. U ask what u want to ask. No one loose nothing instead u will get what u want lots of the times. So, keep asking stupid question. Cause with stupid questions, u come up with brilliant answers sometimes. Who knows.

Pls keep in mind.

p/s but sometimes, think a little bit before come out with questions. Even with stupid question. U can do this after practices of stupid question with some effort to think 2 to 3 seconds before words come out.

When I full

2009-07-27T23:18:00.004+08:00

When I full,

I tend to sleep.

When I sleep,

I stop thinking of anything consiously,

but I might be thinking in subconsiously,

When I wake up,

the things still there,

but my body is relieved and energy is stored,

life go on,

till I tense.

Then I get full...

Is this the one you call life.

But it is somehow the life I live on today.

And hope not tomorow... or the rest of my life.

I'm not sad

2009-07-27T22:41:00.005+08:00

I'm not sad bcoz my gel doesn't have bands.

It's might bcoz of my Total RNA extraction isn't work properly. The gel preparation with 10% Formamide itself. The well isn't so nice. Or the sample is too dilute. Cause of my loading techniques.

I'm not sad bcoz my Total RNA extraction might not work properly bcoz they might be degraded before.

It's might bcoz of the protein and nucleic acids have degrade all the way during dehydration and rehydration. Or the proportion of tissues I use is too much or too less. And might because of my final dilution in adding RNAse free water is too much.

I'm not sad when my mice didn't pregnant.

Although I really hope so, and this made me sad. But all is depend on the mice itself. They have been inbred for many generation. And animal house air-conditioner problem make it worst (although it might be the reason, but I'm not really disappoint of it). Maybe it's James Bond doesn't really get his 'gundik' pregnant, or he had no chance to mate with them, as I'm not really saw the white plug in 'gundik' themselves.

I'm not sad when my mice ordered will be given in the middle of August.

Yes, I'm little bit sad cause my SV going to Singapore and UK next August 18th and August 31st. So, who will dissect my mouse. And will it be okay for my presentation next September? But, time beat solution. As the time goes on, everything seems clear. And it's not really a big problem after all. By the way, it's not Kak H fault, the ordered will be given after 2 month after the form received... And I'm quite lucky, cause I can used my SV ordered mouse for my previous mice matting.

But I'm sad when I disappoint my SV.

Cause I'd really promise to myself. I will really settle and do any assignment and job given by her. But yet, times go on. The promise shade itself without me shine it for the long time. Why it happen. I dunno. Myself forgot what happen. Maybe because of my 2.48 CGPA?

Am I sad because of my 2.48 CGPA.

No, I shouldn't. Because I get what I did. Yes, I deserve it right. So, there is nothing I have to sad about.

I'm sad bcoz of whom I'm.

But again, I shouldn't sad bcoz of whom I'm. It's not permanent. People change. I can change. The good things here, I know what is the problem, and better, I know how to solve it, but yet I'm not take any first step to solve it. So it so with second step, third step to the final step.

So, I'm happy and grateful for whatever I've right now. And move on.... stop thinking of the things that not really upset u. Keep smile all the way... =)

p/s I love to smile. But at one point, I keep wonder, Am I look stupid when I'm smile. When I smile, is there 'u-can-pijak-kepale-ak-sesuke-ati-ko' stamp on my forehead? But what the hell, I like to smile to keep me happy, and also people happy. Cause people will not happy if my face is slump into bad day not-smiling-all-the-time. People scare, me myself also scare. hoho.

Speechless

2009-07-27T21:58:00.001+08:00

Speechless, yes I'm speechless...

I've all 'hot scenes' in my head, but yet difficult to 'throw' it out.... even in here.

Why?

I afraid 'they' will know I'm talking about them.

But why I have to be afraid...

It is words that I can't throw it in front of them, but instead 'chicken' enough to throw in back into my journal...

Come on.. no hard feeling okay....

Cause the words I may said to them isn't worth to tell, cause in the end, it's all back to myself. I'm the one should evaluate myself. What I have NOT done until all of these happen. I should blame my self. I shouldn't blame others. Although it's easy on blaming others, easy but not realistic.

Cause like what my grandpa said to my dad, we can't be too dependable to people, even into your most trusted friends or family. There are human with first priority to themselves (most of the time), like urself.

However, sometimes we have to depend on people especially in team work. Many things in this world need team work. But the main things has to be sure - Trust.

p/s hahaha just lame entry for my first post in wex journal.